My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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