Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
