I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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