It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
