i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Randomize
