Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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