we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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