i don't like sucking hair
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
