Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
