my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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