worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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