Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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