It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
