well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
