My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
