I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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