I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
