Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
