I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
