i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
