He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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