I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
