Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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