i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
