I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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