wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
