I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
