why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
