on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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