I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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