I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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