I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
