If that was your dad, he is hot
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
