The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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