his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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