Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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