I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
