Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
