I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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