I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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