i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
