I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
