ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
