Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
