DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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