I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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