i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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