I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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