i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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