I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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