There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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