its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
