apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
