My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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