It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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