so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
