oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
