If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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