just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
