mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
