I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i love accidental penises.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
