Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
