My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
