I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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