remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
