So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
