Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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