They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
