i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
