Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
