When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
